I am depressed. I don’t feel like bathing, eating well, putting on make-up, dressing, or doing anything. It is hard to discover in my 40s that my entire life has been a lie AND been on display for complete degenerate morons. Now in my 50s it is just one attack after another. And then to realize suddenly over and over that this has been the same throughout my entire life. All the nightmares, pains emotional and physical, dealing with insane parents and bosses throughout my life, and the general insanity of the world around me; it is shock on shock on shock indefinitely. I spent too many decades thinking the world was one way and my mind reverts back to it as is natural. But then I am not only under constant attack within and without from these IdIoTTwins, but the overall stunning shock, like a bomb, goes off in my life on an hourly basis. Every time I start to live a little, I am taken aback with shock at what is happening, what has happened, and dread what will happen. People keep saying stupid stuff about having hope and faith. I have those things. How do they think I made it this far? But the shocking reality of these IdIoTTwins in everything in my life makes my heart faint within me. I cannot endure the horror and misery of these cruel monsters in my life.
They are insane. They go around acting like my marriage isn’t real, but that I am married to them. What do these morons think marriage is? Do they think they can force me into some unnatural life and make me forget my real life? Do these idiots think they can wipe out who I am and make me an actual puppet for them? They may force me with torture and cruelty to do other than what I want to do, but they cannot make me someone who can stand either of them. I hate everything about them. I especially hate being told to just be happy while they torture me.
This manic pretense at love and kindness and fun is what they trapped me and many others with decades ago, but they could never really take me. They would set up times in my life when I had not had any real interaction with my husband for months on end, sometimes even years. I was what they called a computer widow at the time because my husband spent all his time on computer games flirting with strippers named my name and one of my infant nieces names. It was creepy and weird. He sent them money and did favors for them. At the same time the IdIoTTwins were doing what is called love-bombing at work. I didn’t have friends. I went to church for years, but still didn’t have friends there. My sister, who I was so close to was far away in the Lower 48. We still talked at least weekly, but I was still very lonely. In that time they poisoned my heart by using the body language of my family and completely mimicking how my family shows affection. I had no idea they knew all about me and my family for my entire life. It was the most painful and confusing thing I have ever gone through.
I eventually realized they were conning me. I didn’t know what in the world they wanted. Why this concerted effort? How did they find out private things about me? They placed spies all around me and even in our home. But they were watching through cameras and listening in. Who would expect some military spy type stuff to be happening in their lives. They kept having supposedly Christian people make all kinds of insane cases for divorce over my husband playing a computer game. Unlike some men, my husband kept a good job and took care of me even at his worst addiction. I saved his life from those nasty whores the IdIoTTwins had placed in his life. And in his steadiness he kept me safe as well. I am so thankful to God that I took it to heart to study the Bible for myself or those false witnesses would have talked me out of my precious marriage and my closeness to my sweet sister.
It has often been excruciatingly painful to do the right thing, but in the end I am always extremely happy that I did.
Thankfully my husband has been raised like me. We do believe in a good and merciful God, but a God that expects us to live hard lives. God is not Santa Claus. And my husband and I do not believe in divorce except for adultery, and even then it can often be restored and healthy. Marriage is just two people making solemn vows to live life together towards what is good for each of them and both of them together. It is not some stupid fairy tale. I like a good fairy tale as well as the next person, but I am not dumb enough to think life will be like that. The only thing real about fairy tales is that in the end – AFTER we die – if we have been faithful to God, then the fairy tale begins. We will be safe, secure, in a beautiful place that will be our real home, and we will be honored and blessed. But on this earth, like Jesus, we will be crucified, spit on, given a crown of thorns, given gall to drink, and suffer. There are beautiful times in life that hint at the next, but this is not the life we are being prepared for. We have to have faith in God and the next part of life he has prepared for the faithful.
But I am human. I am deprived of what I need and surrounded by spies. I have many liars and cruel people placed in my path. I am watched constantly and threatened regularly. There is still a very horrible attack on my marriage. I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually attacked at all times. Even when I am alone, I am never alone. Everything I enjoy is ruined and used against me. The scope and extent of the cruelty toward me would exceed anything these royal morons have done to people in the Tower of London. They have all this military grade experimental technology to use on me and others, but I have been a focus. I am probably an experiment, but also some kind of pet project for insane idiots, who have no business with known technologies for military and spy use. They should not be anywhere near the technology and resources they have. And since they are insane, I am one of their main focuses. Who knows how many people I will save and help just be being a thorn in the flesh of the enemies of mankind?
I was looking forward to the end of my life after my insane mother would die. She died last year. This year the full realization that these insane people are in charge of my life and will be here after I die. I will have to spend the rest of my life still being tortured by the insane whims. Insanity is not like bad weather. You can predict bad weather and prepare. It is not like a natural catastrophe, which can also be predicted somewhat. It is not like a tragic car wreck, which to some degree we feel could happen each time we drive. There is no logic. There is no prediction. It is literally like walking on egg shells. You know it will break, but you don’t know when, how, or what will happen from it. You don’t know what is beneath you that you will fall through and land in…or if you will land this time. Maybe this time it is the end and the fall will be until you die. And eventually you know you have become sort of crazy yourself from the pressure of living in the insanity of others. But for the sane it is just coping skills to deal with the insane. It’s not real insanity.
But I am getting older and have less and less energy; more and more wounds and scars; and I cannot deal with the insanity of others like I used to could. I am broken in places that will never mend. I have lost love that used to help sustain me and have lost the reason to live to help my dear sister in her life. We had vowed to care for one another and help each other until death when we were just girls. We knew no one was coming to save us from the insanity around us and the insane things done to us. Losing her has been a blow in my life I cannot recover from. There is no one left but spies and kings’ men. I am very alone in this life, but that I could stand. But on top of that I am dealing with unstable narcissistic psychos. Twin psychos. Identical narcissists. Who could endure such a thing? Who could escape such a thing?
I will stay married to my real husband and stay true to him. He may leave me, but I will not leave him. I will try to enjoy my life in very little ways that hopefully the IdIoTTwins will not pick up on as they are blind to every nuance of life and only see life in extremes. I pray God receives me when my time comes no matter how awful I may seem by the time I get to die. I sincerely repent to God for all my sins. I have received Jesus as my Lord and Savior. And I want to be a real Christian until I die. So help me God. Amen.