This blog helps protect me. If I write out things here, they get acted on. Sometimes almost immediately.
Last night was a horror. Not in an interesting movie sort of way, but in the way pain can be inflicted on me without anyone knowing anything about it.
Last night was spiders, coughing spasms that split my ribs and suffocated me, suffocating smoke smells, hot and cold, sweats and chills, migraine, guts writhing, nightmares. I was terrorized, beaten, and suffocated as surely as any domestic violence victim.
Today I am dazed, sick, exhausted, sore, and furious.
I want these IdIoTTwins terrorized, beaten, suffocated, and killed. I want safety and freedom. I will never have it if these IdIoTTwins are alive.
It’s weird that while they were suffocating me with smoke smell, like putting my head in liquid smoke and trying to suffocate me in it, I remembered going to Outback Steak House in Alaska with my husband, Kerry, and Annie. My husband and I were talking about how mean my mom was and how she acted like she was the Queen of England. She had people waiting on her hand and foot. She was judgmental, cruel, arrogant, and unfeeling. Kerry kept hanging his head down and shaking his head “no”. He would not speak. It was weird. I thought he was saying my own mom wasn’t like that. What would he know of my own mom? How would he know her? And why was he acting like we were not speaking the truth? And in the suffocation last night I knew it was my mom acting out his IdIoTMoM. He can’t do or say anything that makes Mummy look bad. She holds all the power and the purse strings. He’s such a pathetic, arrogant, little momma’s baby; still sucking the teet. And that’s the kind of mind – both he and Terry – behind torturing me. They are doing what mummy says. I bet she looks like a mummy by now. I know my mom did before she died.
I can’t wait until that cruel old cow dies. When she does these IdIoTTwins will go about filling their appetites and not do a damn thing. They only pretend to do anything to please mummy. I remember them making a big deal about these rich people they had to go to for a Christmas party. They said there was a lot of stress and ceremony. It wasn’t there thing, but they had to do it. Weak and stupid. That’s what the IdIoTTwins really are. When they don’t have the older ones around to force them, they will fall away into their addictions. I am looking forward to those days. Maybe my husband and I will get a chance to escape while they are high and whoring. We lived a long time in relative peace. The IdIoTTwins were too busy being “young” and getting to party. Then the years came where they were supposed to learn something. And now, I guess they are supposed to take over or something. But their mummy has had a personal hate for me for my entire life. She hated me in grade school. And I hate her. And I hate her IdIoTTwin Sons.