I am 52 years old. I couldn’t care less about my stupid phone. I don’t think it defines me. I forget about it. I forget to check my text, email, and so on. It rings and I think some little kids toy is singing in the distance. The whole phone obsession is absolutely insane to my way of thinking. When I grew up I had to earn the privilege to talk to my friend on the phone in the living room with my parents watching me. I would be limited to usually 5 minutes, but 15 minutes if I really was getting a treat. If I was out sick from school, I could call my friends and tell them I was sick so they knew what was happening with me. That was it. No chatting. If I needed homework, then my parents, who were teachers, would get it from my teacher. My friends did not bring me my homework to catch up on. Seriously. Walking around in a world with a bunch of people staring at phones more than people’s faces seems like a horror movie to me. I hate it.
So on top of my therapy degenerating to confused and disconnected mode, I get these idiot texts on my phone from I don’t know where. They say crazy stuff, like “tAcess Support Program”. Since I am in this spy idiot world, maybe it’s some dumb front program so the IdIoTTwins can send me dumb and obvious texts every day. Maybe the “t” stands for Terry. And the first one I got said “Knock, knock? Laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways. When was the last time you laughed?” The whole fool-laughing makes me think of Terry the IdIoTTwin.
I think people who sees this blog knows I have a sense of humor. I laugh every day. It may be sharp witted, but just because I am smarter than the twins combined, and I make fun of them and their lives does not mean it is not humor. In fact, making fun of them has helped me more than anything to survive the torture from them every day. So I guess I can check that off of my list.
What they do is have people say stuff like that to me when I am in a group situation I can’t escape, like when I worked. Then they make a lot of jokes that push all my buttons, and I do not think is funny. Then they tell people it is obvious that I have a mental illness because I don’t laugh at Terry’s jokes. It’s exhausting. They beat me down with stupidity. And if I made a joke about their jokes, then they said I was mean and awful. They would say that I am supposedly hopeless in social situations.
I am hopeless in social situations where a bunch of snobs and cliques are making fun of me to beat me down and try to force me into my place at the bottom of their pecking order. There is nothing social or fun about that. That is all that my life is since 2006 when my sister died. It is set up for me to think I mean nothing to anybody and that I am just the butt of jokes made by “people who matter”. That also says that I don’t matter. That sort of psycho babble bullshit doesn’t mean anything to me. I don’t want to fit in with low life, scummy, insecure and ignorant people like that. I don’t want to fit in with snobs, backstabbers, liars, gossips, and real criminals. I will always say the obvious about them and it blows their entire illusion. If one other person has one thought of their own, then it is dangerous for the IdIoTTwins and their cult following. That’s why they fight me so hard on every possible platform and part of my life they can get to.
To sum up the “joke” test, I laugh every day, but I never laugh at the IdIoTTwins’ jokes. I laugh at them, but their humor is disgusting and horrible…AND STUPID.
Today I get a stupid text that says, “Having a routine can help you feel in control. Plan your week ahead of time and try your best to stick to the schedule.” This is a broken record of what they tell me constantly. When I have appointments or things that the IdIoTTwins can predict they have masses of people working for them to overwhelm me and traumatize me. Every Tuesday is a nightmare because it is therapy day. I am hearing as I type about therapy in the back of my mind the words, “suicide, suicide, suicide” chanted. I used to think I was really crazy, but that’s the IdIoTTwins playing with top secret military grade weaponry. You can look up DARPA and other experimental tech. They already have in Japan these ads you can only hear if you touch something, walk in a specific place, and the military is trying to develop it to use on the minds of enemies. Lucky me…NOT…that I get to be the test subject on this crap and I have complete morons in charge of it behind the scenes.
Apparently no matter what the IdIoTTwins try to make me think, I am a shining star of being able to hear these voices, interpret them, and know what they are saying. Then the fools are saying to each other crap they want me to just get an impression of, but I can hear it. I don’t act like I can hear it, but I can. Then I know what they are doing and the idiots are in shock. They act like I am telepathic and psychic, like I am some freak of nature and that’s why I know what they are thinking and doing. They are just sloppy, stupid, drunk and high a lot, even when they are supposedly working. They leave that damn mic or whatever is on. They also repeat, repeat, repeat. I hear it the first time. I don’t need the broken record bullshit. I just ignore it. Then I really know what they are saying and doing. They also completely forget it is on. I hear them fighting with each other. I hear them sleeping on the job.
And I hear what they want me to hear, but has nothing to do with an experiment. I hear them abusing me by cussing me out, threatening me, and telling me things they are going to do to me because they are pissed off at me…or the universe. I am their main victim. They abuse me constantly. Sometimes they are mad at me, but a lot of the mess is that they are frustrated incompetent idiots, and they just use me to take out their life frustrations on. It is not fair, even in an experimental situation, for them to just use me as their victim who can’t really identify them to the police, FBI, or someone with authority. I am living a crap life that is not worth living. I don’t care how much you like them, do you really want them with open access in your mind and body to abuse you constantly?
I have schedules every day I am trying to do, but I don’t say it out loud. I don’t try to do the same thing at the same time each week if I can keep from it. I know they plan things to hurt me. If they can’t plan ahead, they are really slow. Apparently the plans have to go through some sort of system to get it in place. Like I could jump in my van and go down to visit my sister’s grave right now. On the way there, there would be normal traffic and some weird spy creepy crap. On the way back after I have spent time at the grave I will be swamped by these silly spy systems. If I tell my husband I plan to go to my sister’s grave on such and so date and around what time, then I will be swamped with non-stop spy nonsense for the entire time. It will be ludicrous. That’s the hallmark of the IdIoTTwins.
If I even schedule how I will clean my house, I can never achieve it. I will get migraines on that day. My ankle, back, stomach, knees, heart, lungs, and basically everything about me won’t work. I won’t be able to get anything done. Then every week I feel like a failure and like I am falling further and further behind. I also have the additions stress knowing I am being abused. This is not placing enough pressure on me to see if I can do something or not. This is absolute abuse designed to make me afraid of the IdIoTTwins. I cannot be afraid of Bozo the Clown and Chicken Little. When Bozo the Clown and Chicken Little are choking you out, it just pisses you off. You don’t feel afraid. You feel offended that you are getting beaten by such incompetent competitors who are obviously cheating. On top of that, supposedly this is not a competition, but some experiment. They need to get off of me, either way. They need to stop cheating, stop abusing me, stop communicating with me, and get out of my life. I am sure there are other people besides these IdIoTTwins who can take over my case.
As I write this my ankle and instep on my right foot is hurting so bad I can hardly breathe. I haven’t twisted my ankle. My foot hasn’t t been hurting. There’s no reason for it to suddenly feel like I just twisted it in the last few minutes.
And on top of it all, they will not let me stand up. I mean they literally will not let me just stand up. I can stand up while doing crafts, playing video games, doing laundry, and other things, and they will stab me in the lower back, twist my ankle, make my thighs go numb, hurt my hip sockets where it feels I am collapsing where my hips connect at the top of the leg, hurt the ankles, knees, make me dizzy, etc. They don’t want me to have the mental image of me standing up. It’s physcical pain, but it’s a psyche out. Because I can see right through it, it is not working at all. Then they get mad and just smash me. Like the Hulk…”Hulk SMASH!” That’s what they do to my life over and over. Every time I pick myself up, they smash it. Difference in them and Hulk, they don’t feel bad. They get a big rush out of it. They are addicted to hurting me. That’s what happens to abusers. They get a big adrenaline, testosterone, dopamine, and all that other drug-like rush from abusing me. They even have a shared sexual arousal rush from beating me. They are the perverts. And they are addicted to it.
Unfortunately for them I am not addicted to being abused. That’s what happens to victims. They get to where they are addicted to that rush from surviving a near death experience or a life threatening experience. I lived with that as a child. I hated it. I was so wiped out as a kid from just surviving scary adult situations repeatedly. A lot of people growing up in that kind of stuff get used to it. I spent so much of my childhood just making it through one day at a time that I never want to live like that again. I hated it. I wanted to find something safe and secure and stick to it. That’s my husband for me. I want him because I feel safe and secure with him. I felt safe in his friendship. I have trusted him as a husband. We were raised in the places that were in the same region of the country and we have the same values.
We both have those unspoken values. We can’t talk about anything like that because the IdIoTTwins will target it. Plus, we just believe the same. We don’t need to discuss it. The IdioTTwins make everything start over at the beginning. Like they separate me and my husband and then complain that we don’t act like newly weds. They complain that we don’t fight. They complain that we don’t speak of our beliefs, dreams, and all this whole checklist of things a marriage needs to be strong. We did all of that 31 years ago. No one cared. No one was paying attention to us then. We don’t need to do all that again so the IdIoTTwins know what to attack in our marriage. Then they can pretend we don’t have a successful marriage. Too bad. They should have been paying attention while we were at the beginning of our marriage.
In Alaska when these fools showed up in our lives for real Terry got drunk and was whining to me on the phone that “you’ve been married 12 years. Most people get divorced within 7 years. You have already been married a lot longer than that.” Like it was his turn to have something in my life. It was creepy and weird. I didn’t know about all the spy creepy bullshit. I just knew creepy, weird stuff kept happening in my life. I told him then that my husband and I believed in marriage for life. I said I could be his friend or like a sister, but he told me he didn’t want a friend or a sister. That was a huge flag to me. My husband and I had a friendship first. We developed a relationship. Terry was blatantly telling me he had no interest in any kind of relationship. He was also showing me that he had no idea what marriage actually is. And he kept telling me the cliche crap about “marriage is a trap”, “free love”. I may be creative, but I am not a 60s free love hippie. I didn’t do drugs or drink. Neither did my husband. My husband gave up drugs for me and is perfect for me, not the IdIoTTwins and their “life by cliche” approach to living. They seem amazingly stupid. I mean, I kept thinking they couldn’t be that stupid and immature. BUT THEY WERE!
Then they would go on and on about high school. THEY ARE STILL DOING THAT! I have said consistently for my entire life that I hated high school and I don’t miss anything about it. They sat around talking about how great it was. I was working my ass off in life even in high school. They sat around talking about how it was care free and they did all this dumb stuff. They went on and on about hurting people and how funny that was. They talked about all their girlfriends or “girls I nailed” as Terry put it. I guess I was supposed to have some kind of experiences in high school that connected me to them. All I could think of was how that was nothing like the experience I had in school at all. And they are still saying the same stupid crap. It’s still as far away from my life experiences as the moon from the earth.
The IdIoTTwins are morons. They have no idea what I think is sexy, fun, or interesting. I am not impressed with the spoiled rich kid stupidity. To me their life says, “I don’t even have to care about life. Everything is just handed to me.” My life was that I didn’t know what was going to happen to me every single day, and I was having to be the adult in my family. I was the one not drinking and not partying so I could take care of my parents and my little sister. I didn’t have time for dating hardly. I just got to do stuff with friends who were in the same academic track as me. Even they didn’t know how hard my home life was. I did not envy kids who didn’t have to do anything to live. I thought they were immature cry babies then.
I still feel the same about them. I think of them as man-babies. I am not impressed at all. I don’t have feelings towards them you would have toward a man or a baby. I feel repulsed by them because man-babies should not exist. They are an abomination to real life. They have no respect for anyone or anything and don’t care about anyone but themselves. I am repulsed by them in every way possible. I hate them and I want them out of my life. I especially want them out of my marriage.