My husband went back to Alaska this week. I miss him more than I can express. I have no one to talk to about what is really happening in my life. I am using this platform for therapy basically. I know only CIA spooks and other idiot spies see it. In my life only spooky spies are in my life. They even use my nieces and their husbands to take pictures of my when I visit with them. They seem to get some kind of bonus services or money if they follow this snitch culture that MI6 = CIA = FBI = KGB = all the other spy agencies that are used by corporations. It’s sickening. I am caught in a reality tv episode that never ends. I can never connect with anyone in a real way.
I keep trying. Everytime I try awful things happen to me. I live in “awful”. Migraines, trauma, shock, pain throughout my body that cannot be explained, night terrors…. If they can hurt me they do. But when I do anything real where I break through this fake tv reality trap they have me in, they hurt me even more. Or sometimes they put me to sleep and I cannot wake up. I sleep for days and have the most insane dreams that repeat like a computer program. It’s like a tv show that has a skip in my dreams. It skips along and then it skips back to the start and I have to watch it all over. I don’t know if they can tell I am not accepting something, but if it gets to where I am fighting what is happening it will often restart and go to that place over and over. I just keep making the same decision. Unless you are in this, you cannot imagine never getting to have your own sleep and dreams. My dreams are more work than my real life.
In the dreams and reality all is death and destruction. Even a little thing like planning to go shopping for my nieces birthday present. They knew what day I wanted to go, so they gave me worse nightmares than usual. Then after I could get over the shakes and wake up a little, I started getting ready to go. While I was getting ready all these sirens were going off in emergency vehicles. They know it reminds me of the idiot ambulance people who were too late to save my sister and then blamed me. They said they had been driving around because I wasn’t out in the yard like I said I would be. It was bullshit. I was listening for the sirens to go out in the yard, but they should have known where to stop. I did go stand in the yard and that’s when they found us. They had some excuse for not using their sirens. When they saw my sister they were smiling and joking. They acted like it was cool. Then one of them looked in her mouth and said that she had gangrene in her mouth. It made me sick. She had been complaining that no food had taste. Those idiot ambulance people were still sitting around looking at her and smiling. I am sure they represented the IdIoTTwins, Death and Destruction. I didn’t know it at the time, but now I see it clearly.
Then while I was getting ready they kept hitting my lower spine with some kind of pain that feels like an electric shock to my spine. It took my breath away. I was shaking. Then a wasp was in the room with me. I had to use Raid to kill the wasp, which I feel is a metaphor. You know the IdIoTTwin Terry has to always script everything and show off that he is good at English. All the Brits think they are Shakespeare, but they are not. Anyway, the Raid knocked me out. I was dizzy and laid down on the bed with the lights on. I was going to turn off the lights and get under a blanket, but I basically passed out and then it became weird dreams.
So when I woke up 3 hours later, I was too tired and loopy to go out of the house. That led to another day I didn’t get to do what I wanted and I was horribly sick and in pain.
That’s just to go shopping for an hour or two. They went to all that trouble to stop me. Then they have therapists ask me what my goals are. Whatever goal I say, they make sure it doesn’t happen. Even living here. I finally got to come home to Oklahoma and they make my husband stay in Alaska. It’s constant harassment and pain like a swarm of wasps stinging and flying at me from all sides.
I am not going to bother with grammar and all of that because for one thing I know it drives Terry the OCD spazzing freak crazy. Also because I know no real people will ever see it. I don’t consider spies real people. They don’t have the guts to live real life, so they don’t deserve to be considered real people like all of us out here struggling because they are infiltrating governments and powers on the earth and making everything so much harder and more painful than an already painful and challenging life needed. They make people fail. They hurt people. They lie, cheat, steal, kill, abuse, and live with no morals and human decency and connections. I have no respect for spies and I ignore their stupid signals and signs. I am trying to focus on being human and having real experiences, even the tiniest thing that has nothing to do with the death and destruction worshippers.
I am determined to be human.