The new attack from the IdIoTTwins is the “honey trap”. They parade men around me and monitor my reaction. It’s stupid. I have been enduring it my entire life, but didn’t know it. So if I was having a happy day and was friendly with some stupid guy, then some idiot like that would always be around me for a long time. Now I know why. It has gotten to the point that I don’t dare be nice to any guy for any reason any place. I am still polite about business, but other than that I just ignore all of them.
Today I just needed to run to the grocery store for a few things. Every place I tried to go in the store was blocked or changed in some way so I couldn’t find anything easily. My back started killing me. I guess I was supposed to feel that I needed some idiot man to carry my groceries for me. But it was just pissing me off. I know I am not in great shape, but I am still a strong woman. They have to weaken me and literally abuse me to make it hard for me to take care of myself. The longer I hurt and couldn’t find anything while idiot men are walking around aimlessly and stupid women in costume are in the way all the time, the more angry I became. This has happened to me many times in many forms. This is where the fools behind the scenes start calling me crazy instead of taking any blame for their obvious stupidity. Just like a stupid person would react, right? They won’t be able to see that they are the problem because they are stupid. It is a vicious cycle having to deal with these IdIoTTwins.
But I am sure this time that more people than the IdIoTTwins were behind this. From crap I saw they were trying to see if I was wavering and might go for the other males behind the scenes. I just want my husband back, but I have to be tested over and over again to make sure I still want my husband. And the tests just get more and more in my face. I ignore the idiots paraded by me and I literally say when I am in a place where the other side can hear me that I am sick of the “honey traps”. Stop with the nonsense. I’m living a real life. I’m not in la-la land where I can sit around playing games with life. I am living real, hard, horrible life and I need a real husband. I need MY REAL husband. That’s who I need.
But there’s stupid music playing in the stores to mess with my emotions. There’s all this flashback nonsense from the 80s especially with anything to do with the time when I was about 15 years old. I am 51 and these fools want to make me act 15 again. It’s so stupid. This is exactly the stupidity men come up with. They say women can’t wait until men mature and really become men. Men want women to stay like teenagers. I have no use for idiot men who still act like a bunch of teenagers in their 50s. Grow up! It’s way past time.
AND everyone of these “men” were behind the scenes when my sister died like that. I know that when it comes time for me to die there will be these same idiots behind the scenes and I am going to die a horrible death. I don’t ever think anything different. I am stuck with these fools for life, till death does us part. If the IdIoTTwins and the ones with them can get me to die some horrific way, then they will. But the rest of them not in on it are apparently too stupid to figure out what the IdIoTTwins are doing and will just let it happen.
And, yes, that includes my REAL husband. I don’t need to trade him out for yet another form of stupid. I have honestly loved him while he has been showing off for his immature male friends behind the scenes. I didn’t know that was going on. I really love him. So I am keeping him. These IdIoTMEN seem to think that I should be gushing over some guy and acting like a teenage girl in love for the first time. That already happened an age ago and these same IdIoTMEN blew that too. They are morons. It’s not my fault. And I cannot become a girl again who is still amazed at her first experiences and can trust boys-men. I am not amazed anymore. I do not trust men. I’ve been burned in ways most people cannot imagine.
I have had a whole gang of idiots behind the scenes screwing up every aspect of my life. They have tried to be married to me from behind the scenes. They have violated every level of trust possible, and these idiots think they have a chance for me to ever fall in love with them? They are literally idiots. I am repulsed by them in every way possible. I can’t even stand the thought of them. I am just trying to make the best out of a horrific situation I could have never imagined in a million years. This is my crap life and I just have to muddle along through their minute to minute completely encompassing stupid treatment of me. Stupid women who want every man to pay attention to them have no idea what they are hoping for. Do you think that having more than one idiot in your life is going to improve anything? They are all idiots. The more of them that are around the stupid is compounded to the nth power.
The thought of sex or anything physical makes me sick. I am so embarrassed and humiliated that I cannot even stand to think about it. I just keep making it from day to day. I don’t look forward to ever having sex again. I wish I had never had sex. They have turned the most loving and beautiful thing into a gross frat boy prank for my entire life. It’s not funny to me. It’s not flattering. It’s disgusting and repulsive. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of me and I am so dead inside I cannot even cry about it. I don’t have any love left in that way. I really don’t see how I will ever heal. I think my only hope is to be with my husband and feel safe and comforted. Some of these men think they can give me that, but they would be a constant reminder of all the implications of this program violating every sincere, real, and sacrifice I have made to stay married in my real life. I would hate any other man. I can hopefully put the stupid program out of my mind if I am really with my REAL husband.
And don’t think I am saying I think these men really want me. They compete all the time and all that matters to them is who has won the last competition. After a lifetime of trying to fool me and force me to trust each of them, then each feels they have to win. They act like the fact that they have not tried to have any real relationships where they sacrifice and work hard to be married, that I somehow owe them. No. I worked to stay with my husband in-spite of all of them fighting me and my husband. They owe me an entire marriage with the person I wanted to be with the whole time, my REAL husband.
These guys are self-obsessed, selfish, spoiled, and chronic show-offs. What they really want is some recent crisis for them to be the center of attention. I’m sick of having to have to spend all my attention on all of them. Of course they never feel they get enough attention and it’s all MY fault. They are screwing with this as I write. Jackasses.