The whole time my Sister was dying I heard more about how her Useful Idiot husband was than how she was doing as she was dying. He and his family talked around her and my family, like she was already dead. Now that she is gone all I hear is statements about him and not about her as her birthday and Mother’s Day comes up.
When I was there while she was dying, my husband and I even offered to move back down here to help with the kids. We offered money and our help. We tried to stay in touch with the kids, but was treated like I was just being weird and wasn’t wanted.
My family lost one of two children. My sister and my parents’ child. No one rushed to comfort us. I know the kids are most important and her husband mattered, but his family pulled together around him and everything became his decision. My sister’s wishes were not followed about the kids. The difference in opinion about a woman’s place as a wife was a bitter difference between them. She wanted independent girls fully able to compete with anyone, including men. Their dad, of course, was all about women obeying men. He was an oppressive and cold husband to her. He has been an oppressive and cold dad to them. Two oldest were afraid to even tell him they were dating.
Every time I am around the kids it’s like a commercial for their dad, who they know I don’t like. Them saying nice things about him just makes me know how overbearing and controlling he is with them, even when they are married adults. He has been a selfish, money hoarding, arrogant Useful Idiot for those IdIoTTwins and obviously still is. That is not what my sister wanted for her kids. In fact she wanted them to have a dad more like our own dad, who gave us overall equal treatment with men. In fact he expected us to do what we had to do no matter who was involved men or no men. Our conduct was to always be the same. On the flip side, no bullying. Some men give women kinder treatment. No taking advantage of that. If these girls know this, then it is because of my sister and our family.
For some reason everything about my family has been routinely cut out of the fabric of every day life. I sent $200 for their school pictures after my sister died. I told their dad I wanted some nice pictures through Walmart and he agreed. If it wasn’t possible then let me know. In late November I finally got some of their regular school pictures. And that was after hounding their dad over and over for months.
That’s how he always was with my sister, too. He just dragged his feet and would not say what he really wanted. Finally he got irritated and did something with a dramatic bad attitude, which is never even remotely at the level he had discussed. My sister used to say that “you can’t follow a parked car”. That’s how she felt about her husband. He would not take the initiative to do anything. But he has a million excuses and reasons and all kinds of reasons for everyone to feel sorry for him.
My sister was literally dying of cancer and he had everyone feeling sorry for him. People were so rude to my sister. You wouldn’t even believe it. Her husband just couldn’t manage anything because she was dying, supposedly. He never managed anything when she wasn’t dying. He just wasn’t really involved. The only thing he gets involved with is getting his way by making people feel sorry for him or by bullying people.
It’s so hard to be the sister. I may seem like just a sister, but he was really just a husband. He could have staid or gone, but my sister and I would have been close and taken care of each other. They were married, but really they could have divorced. My sister openly said that she would never marry again, clearly implicating that her marriage was such that she would never take a chance on being in such a situation ever again. But she knew she could always find a safe place with me. We were in touch every few days if not every day. I knew everything that went on with her until close to the end.
Her children were everything to her, but her husband??? She wasn’t even sure near the end. She told my husband and me that he was starving her. It turned out that he had her on a diet even though doctors clearly told him and her that the steroids she was on would make her feel she was starving and that she should eat. She was supposed to eat healthy snacks all the time. Her idiot husband was trying to make her be on a diet to lose weight.
It turned out that he was sending the girls to run down to my parents house and get the pain pills my dad used for arthritis. So he was giving her pain meds in the very end, but they were way too low level to make an impact on having cancer in every part of her body. And not only did he give her medicine she wasn’t supposed to have, but he only gave her a little at a time. When she begged for pain meds he told her he didn’t want her to get addicted.
She was dying, you freak idiot! She was knocking on death’s door. She was dead three days later. And YOU! You ASS! You said you did what she wanted. Bullshit! You go around acting like you are smarter than everyone else. You are a complete and total moron! If you didn’t care about her anymore, why didn’t you give her back to us? We would have taken care of her. We would not have gotten rid of her as fast as possible and then pretend she never even lived. And YOU went off DATING! You were DATING before she died! You disgusting idiot! You are a coward! You are the worst kind of person. If you are too much of a coward to do what is needed, then you should have let us take care of her. We offered to move back, to send money, to help with paperwork for hospice and such! You didn’t listen to a thing they were telling you at the hospital about the help you could have had! You wouldn’t go to the meetings about it! You are a moron!
And you have brought all the extreme pain that has been compounded from her death! I still have half a life to live without her. I can’t date and get another sister. I hate your guts every day and I will never change my mind. In fact the older I get the more I cannot believe your incompetence, cowardice, and stupidity.