I don’t know why I do not realize I am having a migraine while I am having one. My right eye will feel like it is being stabbed. My vision will be blurred. I stagger, like a drunk person, and I don’t even drink. I will be shaking with tremors throughout my body. I will be in extreme pain throughout my body and often uncoordinated mainly on my left side. And I will be furious.
I fight. God help anyone who gets in my way if I am in the middle of a migraine cycle. But I won’t realize I am mad because I am sick. I will think the person is attacking me. It’s like having seizures. It’s been referred to me as a mini-stroke.
I survive things. And it’s because I am a fighter. I don’t apologize for it.
There are people whose feelings are hurt and they whine all the time because they are paid to throw stumbling blocks in my path. They need to make up their mind that if this is the job they have chosen, that they need to get over it if I do not respond “like most people” and do not make it easy for them to trip me up. Are they tough, or are they just bullies going around making others uncomfortable and unhappy so that they get to be the center of attention all the time? No matter what they choose, if I am hurting and trying to get my daily living done, then they need to mind their own business and let me mind mine.
I am a Christian. I am not a pacifist. It’s stupid and unrealistic to expect to get along with everyone all the time. It’s stupid and unrealistic to expect to get along with one person all the time. People just set themselves up for failure, disappointment, and shame trying to live that way. And that’s just taking into account dealing with most people. Then there are wicked people who make it their lives’ mission to not get along with others, to fight you, and even to kill you. They will actually destroy people’s lives and pretend it is all the other people’s faults. They will kick you while you are down and blame you for it. I fight back. It might not exactly look like fighting. I’m not talking about attacking everyone I see. But I don’t go out of my way to make a way for them to abuse me nor anyone else.
It’s too bad that life is just disposable to the powers that be. When I am just trying to get gas in my vehicle, buy groceries, and make it to appointments while I am suffering with migraines, it is a monumental struggle. If we lived in a more decent world, then people would be polite, there would be help even if I don’t have a natural support system, and things would be hard, but I could thrive more. It would make a great deal of difference if I only had to deal with the horrible things my body and mind go through alone, if I got support in general from others. But being stalked by people trying to catch me while I am down and struggling, and stalked by these types who feed on the suffering of others; I have to fight. I have to be tough if I value my own life at all.