Tested Until I Fail and then I Am Attacked

The IdIoTTwins have endless reasons to test me. I am tested constantly until I can’t take it one day and snap. Then they act like that’s what I am really like and convince people to attack me. People say stupid things, like “I don’t care what happened, she shouldn’t have done that”. Well here is what a typical day of testing is for me:

I am not allowed to sleep the night before, and more likely for days and weeks before. I am groggy and cranky feeling before I even get up. I am rushed. I try to be early, but have to take my time. I know that since I am tired that my reaction time is off when I am driving. I have several set-ups on the road. I will see a car slowing down how fast they are driving both in front of me and behind me until they match my speed. I usually go something outside of the norm, like 62 miles per hour or 58 miles per hour. They will be ahead of me and slow to match. They will come flying up behind me and match speed. Then they will have some maintenance or police on the side of the road. If I try to pull in the other lane, then the person behind me races up beside me while the person in front of me slows down. This will happen over and over. There will be dead animals in the road in horrendous displays.

While I am out shopping weird stuff happens to make me upset. Today I went to Pet Sense after therapy. I had written on my dry-erase board to pick up cat food and kitty liners. So they had a pretty good idea that I would be stopping by for that. At the store there was a young black haired guy flipping his hair all around like a wannabe model. He wasn’t that good looking. He looked like a Terry knockoff. I rolled my eyes the minute I saw him, but my body was also attacked. He actually followed me down the aisle to see if he could help. When is the last time any of us have had customer service? It’s always a trap when it happens. There’s no such thing as customer service…at least not for me. I asked him where the stuff was that I was looking for. He was too busy doing the annoying male-whore hair flip to be able to see what was right in front of him. Really, he knew where it was, but was trying to get some extra money for keeping me occupied. I have seen so many goofy, stupid middle aged women flirting desperately with young men that it has sickened me. I do not want to be one of those idiots. I finally got out of the store. When I got in the van I flipped the twins off and cussed them a little bit. Let them call my crazy. I don’t care. I am sick of being nice while they are outrageous assholes to me.

Then I went to get gas in my car since I had forgotten and it was almost out. They had fried chicken they made there. I got a couple of pieces for lunch. When I got in the van and got on my way, I took a few bites. It was fire engine hot. I was working hard to open a flimsy water bottle that I managed to open, but wet my lap also. During this a truck turned across my lane to go into a cemetary around Ross Mtn Stick Road. I thought to myself that I would have hit it if I hadn’t have known that the IdIoTTwins do exactly the “hot foods jokes” as if it’s just a practical joke among friends. If I had died or killed someone, then it would have just been one of those things according to the IdIoTTwins, but I know they put people in danger all the time on purpose.

Other stuff happened, but I finally got back to Muskogee and went to Hobby Lobby, like I usually do on Tuesdays. It was packed for no reason. I knew that the IdIoTTwins were giving away extra money to anyone who would show up and harass me. All my favorite aisles were jam packed. I asked a woman if she would excuse me and she just kept talking to her kid. She almost made eye contact and then sharply looked away. I asked again and she acted like she didn’t know I even existed. I have been putting up with that shit my whole life. I moved her basket out of the way and got what I wanted. I stopped before I turned away and stared right at her about a couple of feet away. She acted like she couldn’t see me.

I went to the bathroom. Some woman was in there making noises like she was pleasuring herself AFTER I sat down on the toilet. If I had heard it before hand I would have just turned around and left. So I had to listen to this whore the whole time I was in the bathroom. I almost knocked on her bathroom door really loud just to freak her out. They always count on me to be so shocked that I will run away from the awkward situation. Well, none of this is the first time I have had to deal with this stupidity. Like I have said before. Same shit another day. The IdIoTTwins are stupid and boring. They count on me to always react the same, which I am learning to not do. That freaks them out and their Useful IdIoT Followers.

I went a few stores down and was looking at something when I felt a cart push me out of the way by about an inch. It was the redheaded bitch that pretended I didn’t exist from Hobby Lobby. She was pretending she couldn’t see me again when I was at the very end of an aisle and I was in the aisle. It was impossible to not see me. As she paused just past me I said under my breath so I could deny it, “This might be your lucky day to make some extra money, bitch.” She just kept going then. I looked around for her later and she kept moving to the opposite side of the store from me.

When I left both stores, but especially Hobby Lobby, the people waiting on me kept asking me how my day was. I just did the polite thing and said it was fine and asked about their day. I did that repeatedly because they did it repeatedly. Like they cared. They just wanted to add to the harassment and try to force me to get mad. If I get mad then they can act like I am socially unacceptable and need to go to the mental facility or some such. The whole system is set up for the people in power to say that anyone who doesn’t play their game is a horrible trouble maker who must be stopped before they hurt themselves or someone else.

When I got back in my van I cussed those IdIoTTwins out some more. They are spineless cowards who push all my buttons to try to ruin my life. I can still say what I want in my own car. So that’s where I vent. I have to get the anger away in a way that keeps me from going to prison. Also, though, I know when I have had enough. I could have used some real food, but knew I was too tired to put up with my food being messed with. I went home and sat doing macrame knots. It’s relaxing to make knots like how I feel my guts are knotting up from stress.

There were more whore women around and whore men. There were more people acting like they couldn’t see me while they were right in the way. There was just more in general. That’s a sign of the IdIoTTwins throwing money at my situation to get low-life and gullible types to harass me until I snap. Every once in a while I snap. I get written up at jobs for being difficult to work with. Written up by doctors and medical people as difficult to work with. Written up by professionals, who know I have PTSD, as being difficult. I am difficult because I really do have PTSD.

But the IdIoTTwins go around saying I could control it if I tried. They can’t control themselves, but supposedly they know how to control me. All they do is make me so tired and depressed from living under the oppression of their god-complex, where I don’t get to have a personality of my own and I am to never question anything about them, to the point that I just have nothing left. I am sitting, staring, with my mind and body numb. I have nothing to hope for. Nothing to look forward to. That is what having the IdIoTTwins in control of my life is like.

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