Looped

I keep wandering through today and then coming to the same question over and over, “Why am I so loopy feeling?” Then I remember the loop of dreams last night. I feel like I ran a marathon in my sleep last night. All I can remember of the dreams is that they were on a loop. I kept having to go through the same scenarios over and over. I was getting slower with each run. It felt like when you rehearse a speech, or play, or something like that. I was losing focus.

Finally, I was in my kitchen for the billionth time. I was being told that the kitchen was dirty and that was why I had roaches. Even though I did dishes and took out the trash, and roaches can eat insulation and live…despite all of the, it was supposedly my fault. I looked on the stove and saw the skillet with scrambled egg remains in it. I kept staring at it. Something was wrong with the scene. It had been bothering me all night when I was in the kitchen in my dreams…I washed the pan by hand. I put it back on the stove, but I washed it by hand specifically so it would not be dirty and attract bugs. I started noticing that other things in the room were wrong. Someone was in the room with me telling me to hurry up. I wouldn’t keep going. I was staring at the pan and then I started arguing with the person behind me. I couldn’t see them, but I was saying, “How did the pan get dirty?” Response: “Hurry up!” “Keep moving!” “It wasn’t me. So how did it get dirty? Are you in my house when I am not here? Are you using my stuff?” Response: Bunch of frantic cursing and screaming at me to keep moving. Then the bickering. And they are saying stupid stuff that has nothing to do with what I am saying. It’s like they can’t hear me asking about the dirty pan, what they are doing in my house, or any comments I am making. They just keep screaming the same stuff at me.

Then in my sleep I start to become lucid. I realize that I am in a directed dream and that’s why the characters in the dream don’t know what I am saying. It’s also why they are rushing me and freaking out. Then I think, “Great! Now they are going to abuse me for noticing something wrong in this stupid series of dreams. I am starting to notice that every scene is wrong.” And sure enough, they became belligerent with me. They are probably drunk and high while they direct my dreams. That would explain the stupid nightmares. I mean, literally, stupid nightmares, like IdIoTTwins put them together while they are drunk, high, and doing each other.

I started waking up, but felt a surge of sleep hit me like a tidal wave. I don’t know how they do it. I don’t know if it is power of suggestion, or stimulates some sleep hormone, or they put some trigger word in me that works in dream state. However they do it, I went sound asleep and left the kitchen. I don’t remember much after that.

When I woke up I felt like I sick, like I was loopy. I don’t drink or do drugs, so nothing could really account for it…except nightmares, bad dreams, stress in my sleep. I keep forgetting I had direct dreaming last night and I start blaming it on going to bed a little late. Then it comes back to me that someone was messing with me in my sleep last night.

I cannot describe how exhausting it is to live in these different realities all the time. And my own mind will fill in the blanks. Just like that. I am tired. I feel loopy. Well, I did go to sleep about an hour later than usual. That must be why. It’s amazing how quickly no trace of those abusive monsters can be found.

And speaking of abuse…they woke me up crying and screaming with arthritic type pain in my bones in my arms and back. I writhe and scream. They just keep doing it. It’s horrible.

They literally are abusive IdIoTTwins.

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