I woke up emotionally shaken in the middle of the night. I felt nauseous and scared. I had been dreaming of being in a situation where I had to do what two people said. One had me cooking in an area surrounded with dead and rotting pets. They had multiple gun shot wounds, like some fool had hunted them down and killed them. Like tame animals need to be hunted and killed and to the people who did that, they thought it was the same with humans. Then some fool kept chasing me around like he was going to kill me, scaring me out of my mind. He thought that was hilarious. That was just part of the directed dreaming nightmare from the rich and stupid IdIoTTwins. Every night it is something similar and far worse.
They keep having the psychiatrists prescribe all kinds of sleep and anxiety meds, but nothing is going to be able to fix what the IdIoTTwins are doing to me. They don’t want me fixed anyway. They want me just functional enough to make them look good. They want to point to me and say, “See. She is doing fine. We don’t really hurt her.”
One of the biggest gimmicks they have had going in our family is that Charismatic Movement religious nonsense. You are supposed to go around “confessing God’s word” instead of saying what is really happening to you. If you are sick you have to go around saying that you are healed by the stripes of Jesus and if you accidentally say you are sick, then your faith is weak and you don’t receive anything from God. It’s stupid. It’s a religion that makes a haven for abusers. They hurt you and you go around saying that you are healed.
Another favorite is that you have to walk in love to get anything from God, so you can never be mad. You have to forgive everyone, especially your abusers. That is a recipe for violence and abuse that we are seeing in the Catholic Church and all the kids they abused. It’s not just kids. It’s everyone, but especially women and children are attacked by these predators. It’s just like how a school is a place child predators will try to work at or volunteer at. The same with the church. Not to say church is bad, or that faith is bad, but the exploitation, human suffering, and abuse in religion is epidemic. You can barely talk to anyone about their faith without finding out that some “Christians” have abused them or ignored them while they were being abused. Churches and places of faith are rarely safe, unfortunately. They are more political anymore than anything else.
Now that I no longer aid my own demise by Charismatic religious stupidity, the IdIoTTwins have had to turn to secular ways to get me. This is proving impossible. There isn’t a magic pill I can take that will keep me from having nightmares while they force the nightmares on me. Now they are blaming the psychiatrists and my therapists for my poor health and inability to consistently cope. They keep pretending I don’t have PTSD, which is unpredictable and has a lot of performance issues. I cannot just be normal. I cannot take some meds and be normal. These IdIoTTwins seem to think that I should be able to take a tranquilizer and be fine like the women they know, who are insecure and anxious, versus what I am dealing with which is real disability. They want someone to just make me put on a good show so they can abuse me even more than they have been.
They are furious and impatient. They want to really throw everything at me and hurt me because I am messing up their plans. Also I have been a favorite for them to abuse. Abusers are addicted to abusing. That’s how they relieve their frustrations. Now they can’t secretly be destroying me, while I go around confessing that everything is ok. It is not ok. And no amount of meds are going to make it ok while they are still abusing me as much as they can get by with.