Every family has at least one crazy person who thinks it is their duty to sabotage the holidays. Being stalked by my torturers pretending that they are my family in some way and having every single thing about the holidays destroyed…it’s too awful. I know it’s happening, but I keep sort of going blank inside. It’s too shocking that these rich freaks are using all their money and power to sabotage my life. I know they hate me, but seriously? Even if I hate someone I am content to just stay away from them. These freaks, the IdIoTTwins, think it is their job to punish me for not being like them.
I remembered today how many times weird people I didn’t really like, but was nice to, would come up to me and say things like, “She’s one of us.” I think looking back that they publicly acted like I was with their people just to use me to make them look like decent people. I worked hard, didn’t bother anyone, tried to be nice and sociable, and didn’t cause any drama. They used me. That’s what they must have been doing all these years, while at the same time destroying my life. It has been a sickening, abusive, violent “relationship” with people I didn’t even know existed for most of the time it was happening.
They are still trying to do the same stupid stuff. My sister is dead and they tortured her. Dad is gone, and they harassed him until he would break down and be drunk for days, maybe weeks and months. I miss my sister every second of every day. I miss my Dad around any sentimental times of the year. He tried to act tough, but he was very sentimental. He loved presents, but he loved good food even more. So he loved the holidays and so did my sister.
I don’t get to live with my husband or have much time with my sister’s girls. And my husband and the girls are always suffering from crazy thing that make no sense at all. It’s all the same IdIoTTwins abusing all of us. I want out and you know how abusers are about that. If you want out, they go insane. Well, they can just jump off the deep end because they have left me with nothing to live for. I am not doing anything until I feel those IdIoTTwins are gone. They may be in the background, but they have to be so far removed from my life that I don’t feel their influence anymore.
The holidays are shaping up to be the typical stupidity that we have to suffer with the IdIoTTwins planning to traumatize all of us as much as possible. I know people would think I am truly crazy to believe they can effect the weather, but I think they are that kind of rich and connected. I think they can have clouds seeded and cause snow, rain, hail, sleet, so on. Well, it snowed today. Tomorrow morning the roads are all going to be iced over. I have therapy in Tahlequah. I can either try to go, which they will say something along the lines of when I drive on winter conditions and it doesn’t bother me, then I should be in Alaska. If I don’t go, then they will say I am lazy and not really trying. I will not go tomorrow and they know that. So the next therapy appointment is for Tuesday of Thanksgiving week. I have to see the mean psyche on that day as well as regular therapy.
For Thanksgiving week I have to see the psyche and have her tear me apart emotionally. Then I am supposed to go to my niece’s gender reveal the Saturday of Thanksgiving week. I will have to be with her Dad and the woman he had waiting on him so that they rushed my sisters death and didn’t take care of her. Just thinking about all the emotions of my sister’s daughter pregnant and knowing that the child’s grandpa is going to be someone who had their grandma, my sister, die as painfully as possible…. After my sister died, he started getting rid of stuff immediately. The next day after she died, I went to their house and you couldn’t even tell she had been there. Within a few months he got rid of or stored everything to do with her and was dating the woman he is married to now.
These are the insane pressures I have to live with every second of every day of my life. And the IdIoTTwins use my therapy to plan their attacks. Whatever I say hurts me in therapy is exactly what they do to me constantly. If they find a weak spot, they are relentless in the exploitation of it.
I have to do the martial arts kind of fighting. The first line of defense is to not stand there while they punch me. It’s best to dodge a punch. They are beating me constantly, like not letting me live with my husband, not letting us talk openly with one another, and sending plants everywhere I go, so that it’s them abusing me at every turn.
So, I will not go to therapy tomorrow. I can’t take any chances on slick roads because that’s the kind of stuff they love to use to hurt me. I have had some pretty awful wrecks in Alaska and I am never doing that again. I will sit in this house all winter if I have to. Also, I am probably not going to therapy Thanksgiving week to have that mean psyche tear me apart for the holidays. And I will not go to the reveal of the baby’s gender with my niece. If I did all that, I would practically be comatose from shock and emotional pain.
My husband says he will try to come home for Christmas, but he won’t be able to. They will have him keep dangling the hope I will see him as much as possible, so I feel really devastated when he doesn’t get to come home for Christmas.
And one of the reoccurring questions from the psyche is, “Do you enjoy life?” “No.” Who could enjoy this ridiculous nightmare? No wonder I have nothing but nightmares. But I don’t even get to sleep. Even in my dreams they are attacking me. Last night I woke up thinking a scorpion had put its stinger through my Adam’s Apple and no one would help me. There were people around, but they all had a reason why they couldn’t help me. I was trying to scream, but couldn’t because my throat was paralyzed. I was trying to get the thing out of my throat, but I couldn’t look down and see it. It was like being blind and being attacked with paralysis and poison. It made me wake up. It took a little bit to realize it wasn’t happening to me, but I still felt shaken.
So, “No, I am not enjoying my life.” My life is sabotaged. The holidays are just a clear metaphor for how screwed up my life is because of these IdIoTTwins.
Get out of my life you IdIoTTwins! I don’t want anything to do with you at all. Take your stupid dreams, all your proxies and plants, your money and connections, and your arrogant, unfeeling stupidity and get out of my life! I never want to have anything to do with you at all. This is my life, not your life! This is my body and not your body! Get out of MY life!