Terry has projected himself as the Joker, like he’s running around Gotham, fighting with Batman. Just like Joker in those stories, he’s not funny and he’s very disturbed. Tonight I got another shit-load of his brand of stupid dumped on me. That’s why I am up at 3 in the morning writing this.
To cram it all together so that it feels as overwhelming in writing as it has felt all day: someone talking about how Trump and the rich people like to act like poor people want to be poor and that’s why they are poor; extreme pain in my right arm to the point where I was holding my breath and faint feeling; huge letters on the news warning that with the next hurricane “Don’t get comfortable, but stay alert”; a Corbett Report video where the round table talks about how apathetic the American upper Middle Class is; discussion of how none of the tragic stuff happening is really happening to upper Middle Class or rich people; unable to sleep tonight; one in the morning my cat had a huge tarantula spider that ran under my chair and disappeared; tarantula – Terry – probably he thinks there is some representation there because he thinks everything is about himself; I remember when I was bit by a recluse spider in Texas and how unbelievably sick I was from that; the IdIoTTwins are mad at me for being a recluse and I’m sure they were back then, too; they want me to fear and not be comfortable in my chair, my home, my marriage, my life; they want to chase me out in the open like an animal and then they will have their minions kill me and call it their kill; I have to cling to my goal no matter how tired and scared I feel.
This has been an on-going struggle for me for my entire life. When I was in grade school there were all these kids around me with a bunch of stuff that money can buy and with no manners. I would never embarrass my family the way those kids did. But the weird thing was that I was well-behaved, but the more arrogant the parents of the other kids around me, the more they complained that I was socially awkward. They have been trying to stigmatize me with that for my entire life.
As a teen and on into adulthood when I didn’t want to laugh at gross/dirty jokes, try drugs or alcohol, experiment with sex, go to parties, etc, the same exact thing. Supposedly I was socially awkward. The thing is that people who do not have a guaranteed peer group for life to do favors for each other, get jobs for each other, cover for anything wrong the others do, and in general act as professional fixers for one another, then you have to work all the time. You have to study hard in school while the rich kids joke about how serious you are and just throw their lives away. Then you go out and work as hard as you can, while the rich people around you laugh at you and make fun of how serious you are, while they get all the good jobs and breaks in life handed to them. And then since you can never really get ahead, you work until you are so tired you can’t remember when you did anything other than work. And all along those same rich jerks are screwing up every leadership job they have and are utterly useless, but keep getting promoted, because that’s the kind of family they are from. And, as you can tell, the world is in a mess, and it is the fault of the rich people, but since they have never taken responsibility for anything in their entire lives, they do what they have always done…they make fun of you for being socially awkward, blame you for everything, and then end up with even more money and causing everyone to hate you.
Other craziness today. A LOT of emphasis on calling me fat. It is their favorite thing to use to make women feel bad about themselves. Women are programmed to think they are fat and ugly practically from birth. They just pull that card out and use it anytime they want to hurt me and then follow that up with more smear campaign.
Let’s see…I saw “Induced Genius” which I think is in reference to me being a mind controlled person. A lot of those were given photographic memory. That’s not really genius, but I can see what they are doing. They have used this before. Supposedly I am a genius, when public opinion sways my way a little bit, but the explanation from the smear campaign is that I am socially awkward because they made me a genius. Also I am supposedly dangerous because of this, too, so only pre-approved people can approach me and interact with me. This way they have micromanagement control over me.
“Cybul” Could be a couple of things, but bottom line they are playing the “crazy woman who is used as a science experiment by the government”. I am being experimented on by the government, but we all are to one degree or another. It doesn’t make me insane. The IdIoTTwins constantly harassing me and trying to take over my life narrative as if I only exist as a figment of their imaginations is what really makes me insane. It’s the most absurd, infuriating thing I have ever had to deal with. It makes me want to destroy them so I can finally really live. So people have to really deal with me and not go through the IdIoTTwins who hate me and want to slow kill me. Oh yeah, and “slow kill” was another game name I saw tonight.
I am beyond myself. I have been fighting these idiots in one form or another for my entire life. All my family is gone and I am alone. I want Terry and Kerry 9-9-65 out of my life. I mean it. I want them both gone and to be able to completely forget about them. That would be heaven for me.