Today I am writing a little bit of personal, embarrassing, private matters because the stalkers keep signaling to me in public places. One of the places they like to signal to me the most at is when I play on-line games. Since I have to dodge their disgusting attacks on-line or just endure them, I am writing about this on-line.
Once again I refer to Kay Griggs. She talks in her interview about these military elite soldiers watching everything that happens in the officer wives’ houses. Then how much less protection for the wives who are not officers wives. When she said it, it really hit home. I had already figured it out, but to hear another woman say it…it made my experience valid to me. It was sad and comforting all at once.
So I have been in Oklahoma since November 2017. My husband is still in Alaska. I haven’t done anything sexual in that time. Now I am getting signals, and some through my nieces (how gross is that?!), that I need to masturbate. This has been a life long battle with these idiots. I have had to listen to many spontaneous self care street theater and in classrooms about how it is healthy to masturbate. I just don’t need it. I don’t care if it is healthy or not. It’s like telling me that drinking wine is healthy. Ok. But if I don’t want to drink wine, then I simply do not want wine. Quit trying to force me into it.
Why? Why are these idiot keeping on at me? I am exhausted and struggling with my health. I weigh 250 pounds. I am not the cadaverous adolescent body that the sick bastards like. Why all this pressure on me all the time? Which I have to say makes me feel even less like doing anything sexual. All I can think of is that they have spent my entire life calling me a freak, pervert, and slutty through street theater and the gossip mill. I guess they are trying to prove that this is true and to defend themselves.
I have called what they did to me and my husband Gang Rape. They didn’t just watch, they had theatrics planned for sex too. I was nice about it because I thought my husband needed that. Men and women have very different needs from sex in general. I thought I didn’t need to understand it. I just needed to be loving and accommodating as possible. These rapists took it as a chance to have stuff done to me that they liked to watch.
And what really gets me is that I didn’t do anything weird or perverted. I didn’t do S & M, anal sex, or any of the weird things they kept running by me through tv and other things. I was just a Christian wife loving her husband. And then when the “reveal” happened, these sick jackasses who had been behind the scenes the whole time, tried to pretend I was their wife and not my husband’s wife. I would never have sacrificed like that for any of them. Like Kay Griggs, I know most of them. Sick jackasses.
I freaked out when I realized what had been going on. I just freaked out. I was screaming and crying. I couldn’t stop. I had all these sexual memories that didn’t make any sense at the time, but was becoming more clear. They each had their own technique. Since I was nice about all of it for my husband’s sake, they thought I liked all of that. I was furious. I was murderous furious. I wanted to hunt those bastards down and kill them. I still do, but I’ve accepted the reality. Kay Griggs interview helped me a lot.
But since they want to keep publically discussing this, then let me make some comments on their techniques. Having sex and being asked a bunch of questions during and after, like it’s a market survey, is a turn off. Preening like a woman and going on and on about how great your hair is…that’s a turn off. Too much foreplay and pulling out when close to climax is just irritating. It makes me not even want to bother with it. Cooking too much food and binging on that before sex is a turn off. Not kissing and slapping me on the butt, like I’m some two bit whore, is not sexy. I did not enjoy that and even spoke to James about it. But like all rapists, they pushed that aside and kept doing it to me. Giving me the silent treatment and basically making me schedule sex with you (I see now it must have been so a group of you could be involved) is not sexy. All of that is sacrificial sex for the marriage’s sake. Something you cold bastards could never understand. That’s why you kept acting like it was some weird perverted thing, but it was bad sex endured out of kindness and love for my husband.
These psychopathic idiots do not understand love at all. I mean not even a little bit. Christians teach that you can love them back to God. Not with psychopaths. They don’t need love as much as they need a leash. They act like women want leashes and to be controlled or to do the controlling. Everything to them is control, control, control. That’s it. They don’t understand love at all.
I’m done with all that crap. My husband and I haven’t had sex since 2015. Neither one of us feels like it with the idiots watching. Apparently now that high level people are looking in the IdIoTTwins are having to explain themselves. When the worst of this was happening I was in my 30s and early 40s. Now I am 51. I just don’t care. All those decades of my life were wasted by these abusive idiots. I can’t even stand the thought of sex anymore. I get sick from all the bad memories put into the context of being raped through technology and sick bastards.
I can’t lose weight. I feel much safer at 250 pounds. I am relieved to not have to worry about sex anymore. These guys are such idiots and screw-ups that they have managed to ruin sex. They need to stick with people they can pay and control. They have no business having sex with anyone in any kind of loving relationship.
Oddly, my husband and I are closer through this. Now I know why he was reluctant about having sex. And I know he feels as violated as I do. Now he can sort of protect me without making me feel rejected. James and I have been through unspeakable pain. We have been abused constantly by the control freaks. They can’t stand our free spirits or that we actually love each other.
You IdIoTTwins can signal until your balls shrivel up and you dicks wither away, but I am done with trying to be nice about sex. I’m going to be a fat and happy old woman, who is not going to feel pressured to sexually please anyone. It is a huge relief. It’s one of these things that really feels like having the world taken off of my shoulders.