I thought I knew my tormentors pretty well from being attacked by them for my whole life. I had them slotted as narcissistic psychopaths. I thought the emotionally unstable personality described in Joe Navarro’s book, “Dangerous Personalities” would be too tame for the stuff I have endured over more than five decades, but I was wrong. After I did the checklist my “handlers” came out at the top of the spectrum for instability. How can someone who screams at me for hours over gaining 3 pounds or gets angry because I don’t make things lined up at right angles be actually unpredictable? I thought their emotions were as rigid as their expectations. It seems, though, that their rigid expectations are tied to an acceptance of completely irrational and unstable behavior in themselves.
The book says that “emotional highs and lows are the hallmark” of this personality. These people are at the pinnacle of a manic state, which is not the same as joy. It is a high. They do drugs and alchohol, so that naturally accounts for some of it, but even for people who party, they are higher than everyone else and have lower crashes. Really, people like this should not be allowed to do drugs, drink alcohol, or even smoke nicotine. They just take everything to the absolute extreme and unfortunately can alternate back and forth with no warning. Being around this personality is described as “being on an emotional roller coaster.”
Another characteristic of the emotionally unstable personality is “personality is persistently unstable over time, and this undermines relationships.” This causes the people around them to also become emotionally unstable over time. This is where the old joke, “It’s you, not me” becomes reality. These personalities prompt song titles like, “My Give a Damn is Busted” by JoDee Messina. They can cause healthy personalities to contemplate suicide or murder. Apparently these aren’t the light weights in the dangerous personality division I thought they would be.
Key traits are:
Hypersensitive – king or queen one moment and then the victimized outcast the next and it is all blamed on some perceived slight from you, the person being nice to them.
Needy and Demanding WITHOUT BOUNDARIES. “Unstable personalities have a childlike need to feel special.” They have to have your undivided attention all the time in any and all circumstances. When this cannot happen “Some have been known to follow, surveille, read correspondence, eavesdrop on calls, and drop by unexpectedly to test loyalty and fidelity not only of lovers and spouses, but also even of their own children.” Imagine being in a position in life where someone like this thinks they “own” you. This book summarizes pretty well, “…they become stalkers, but they can also become saboteurs.”
Manipulative – “‘No’ to them is negotiable – especially if they know that with childlike persistence, ‘no’ will become ‘maybe’ and eventually ‘yes’.” I had no idea that I was dealing with crazy people behind the scenes in my life, so I have given in a lot of times just to be the bigger person and keep the peace. If I knew then what I know now, none of that would have happened. “No” would have been “no” and it would not have been negotiable. Now I am saying “no” not only to childlike, unstable people in power, but people who think they literally own me, like a slave. They think I have no right to say “no”.
Irrational, All-or-Nothing Thinking. “They tend to react emotionally rather than logically when stressed or critiqued.” “Cults are attractive to unstable personalities because of attention they are given by the cult members, the unconditional acceptance they receive, the group bonding that is common, and the structure that’s provided that they can’t seem to get in normal society.” These people are more like the cult leaders than members, although they have complained to me by their representatives of being pushed around by those with more power than them. They cling to their cultic Satanism, Hell’s Angels, and their “handler” positions. There is no reality other than this warped cult-like reality they are forcing on me. I make it a point to tell them out loud in my home that I don’t like them, don’t worship them, am not impressed by them, and want them out of my life.
Impetuous, Impulsive, Sensation Seeking. “…these personalities can be reckless and impulsive,” “…saying and doing things that are improper, offensive, or seductive at the most inappropriate times.” “They may be perceived as ‘troublemakers’, ‘a bastard’, ‘a prick’, ‘a drama queen (king)’, or ‘out of control’.” Later in the chapter it says that their sexual exploits for thrills can lead to unwanted pregnancies, jealousies, venereal diseases, violence, but not love. They went on and on about this live in girlfriend who got pregnant on purpose to trap one of them. They are emotionally unstable, unpredictable, impulsive, sensations seeking macho guys, who brag constantly about all the sex they have had with everyone (including each other in orgies as it turns out), but she was manipulating poor innocent twin #2. Not that she was a saint, as you may imagine. Most of the time I am around someone representing them I am just speechless. I want to ask if they think I am that stupid, but obviously they do think that I am stupid. There’s nothing to say to people like that who are threatening and then love-bombing in a way to be in control. They are always the spotlight and have to feel they are in control.
“Their Effect on You – It’s easy to be engulfed by this personality’s compelling blend of hero worship and neediness.” “You’ll feel mentally and emotionally drained by these individuals’ ups and downs, manipulations, and outbursts.” The thing I found out was that like most egocentric personalities they were projecting on me what they wanted. They want to be seen as heroes and have all their needs met. I admit I stroked their egos just to get an emotional break from them. When they were sure they were the center of my universe, I had to put way too much attention towards them, but it beat having to fight them for my own mind if I didn’t give them outrageous amounts of praise and attention. Like I have said, I did’t realize dangerous personalities were behind what I was surviving year by year. The people changed, but the personalities behind it didn’t change. The underlying reality of my life didn’t change.
This chapter concludes that eventually you just want them gone. They drain you dry and you have nothing left to give. This is too true. This book says that there is no way to work peacefully with these people. They cause the drama. They have to be seen all the time and be the center or everything that happens. You give your entire life and they whine because they bought you a beverage and you didn’t even thank them. I have spent years thanking everyone for every tiny thing they did, even stuff that was just normal daily life. I had to or I would have a horrible backlash later from someone for no real reason, but somehow they would refer to something I didn’t show gratitude for with someone else.
It is so disheartening to feel you can’t get away from these people. Every path leads back to them. It has made me suicidal at times. I am sure I am under some suicide watch that probably they put in place and run. I am probably also listed as dangerous because I have felt murderous at times. Again, I am sure they are running it. But it IS THEM, NOT ME! They are the ones who should be stopped.
IdioTTwins, you know who you are. And their entire cult following. I want them all out of my life.
Thank you for reading. Again this information is based on the book by Joe Navarro called “Dangerous Personalities”.