Today I was looking around this site called “The Open Scroll”. A lot of it is just over my head, but that’s ok. I pick up on bits here and there. The problem is that whoever has messed with my mind has put in triggers that shut me down like a computer. For instance I was watching a video about CERN and Mandela Effect. It got to a part where a guy was dancing in a circle he made of salt. It was like, and still is like this when I remember it…like I want to freeze and make my mind go blank. I can’t get past that part because my mind stops even if my body won’t. I can think sort of around the imagery, but anything connected to it is disappearing before I can register it. It’s like waking up from a drea and not remembering what it was about. So I keep trying, but this keeps happening. It’s like stepping on to a land mine.
I lose not only the information I wanted to learn, but I feel disoriented and not sure what I am supposed to be doing. I’m not sure where I am until I verify. I still am fighting going into a meditative state. Hard to tell if I am really doing this or if I am dreaming this. If I didn’t write it down then later I would think it was just a dream.
That’s it. I had a whole plan in my mind for a blog when I sat down here, but I watched part of the video I will post below and now I can’t think of anything. Everything is just growing increasingly blurred and disappearing from my mind.
About 10 minutes later. I couldn’t get my mind to stop spinning. It’s very odd. It feels like my head is spinning counter-clockwise. I felt dizzy sitting up or walking. I finally laid down in the bed and just let my mind reel. Eventually it stopped, like a top stops spinning. I feel all wobbly inside, now. I feel like I fell down, but I didn’t.
I have had serious problems with passing out. This is part of it. It’s impossible to explain to anyone I have found so far. Everyone just dismisses it out of hand, like it’s nothing. I completely stops my life. Sometimes it takes days or weeks to stop spinning. I can’t follow a train of thought. I can’t interact with other people and really feel connected. It’s brutal, painful, exhausting, and just plain creepy. I hope it doesn’t get worse with age, but I really can’t imagine how it could get better as I age.
Yesterday I wrote this. It seems to some people that I was writing so I was ok. It was like being drugged out of my mind. I know I was not on drugs, but it was like what people say a LSD trip is like. I was disoriented, incoherent for the most part. Writing helps because it focuses the thoughts. If I was talking it wouldn’t make any sense at all. And I had to lie down and sort of go into a trance for a while and then I got up perfectly fine. It’s bizarre. I can tell you that it doesn’t go over well in real society. Falling down because the world is spinning and lying there for a while and then getting up basically ok…it freaks people out! I mean, it really freaks them out! I can tell them not to worry about it. It’s just something that happens to me, but they want to fix it or explain it. Of course if I explained mind control and all of that, they really would be afraid of me. They would believe it and be afraid, or they would not believe it and still be afraid because they would think I was crazy. Either way, I eventually just seem crazy to people. It scares them. I’m not nearly as scary as the freaks who did this to me. That’s who they should really fear. But those people have doctor’s degrees, are highly intelligent, are above questioning or reproach. It is seriously a huge mess.