True Faith

I listened to a YouTube video today called, “Report #47: Dr. Kathrine Horton and Dr. Paul Marks: The Crown Corporation”.  In part of it they talk about how Christianity is portrayed as being a religion for pacifists, which is not true at all.  Jesus wasn’t a pacifist.  He kicked over money lenders booths in the temple and beat them with a whip he stood outside and braided before he went in.  He said things to indicate that he would set family member against family member.  When his mother and brothers came to interrupt him while he was speaking in public, he didn’t go to them.  Furthermore, he asked who were his real mother and siblings.  He concluded that it was the people who believed in him were and not necessarily the people he was blood kin to.  No wonder a lot of Jewish people hate Jesus.

As an aside, in the video they spoke of all roads leading to Rome.  I had not listened to that recording before I wrote what I did about all roads leading to Rome.  It was a sign to me that I have stumbled upon people who have had experiences similar to mine to get them to think along these lines.  What is happening to me is not some weird anomaly.  It’s not something that is just in my head because I am supposedly crazy.  It’s something happening to people world wide.

In the video there is speculation about how the Bible we have now was put together and who had the power to craft it the way it is.  I’m not a Bible scholar.  I have heard it said, though, that the Bible is the most owned book in all of history and the least read.  I have personally read it through 3 times and continue to read it on an almost daily basis.  It really looks different as you age.  The first time I read the whole thing I was 14 years old and I am 51 years old now.  A lot has happened, but amazingly a lot is still the same.  I find the Bible to be an amazing book and very grounding.  I am sure people have tampered with it, but I think there’s enough continuity in it by people who seemed to have been “targeted individuals” in their day that makes if relevant to me.

From the time I first read the Bible I picked up on the concept that there is right and wrong, people sort of inherently know this, and we have to answer to God for what we do in this life.  For that reason I was ridiculed, targeted to make me compromise, and in general shaken to the core many times in what I believe were attacks to make me question my faith in God and Jesus, as his son.

As time passed and I still believed even after being persecuted both in and out of the church, there was a systematic attack on my personal form of belief.  I noticed that some of the Christian beliefs, the way they are taught in the sanctuary of church and the way they play out in real life, cannot coincide.  My attackers tried to use that to come along as “friend” and foe to say that I was not really a Christian.  My own mom would provoke me to anger and then say I wasn’t a Christian.  The more I look at all of this and think of how my mom has acted with me, I don’t think she is a Christian, though she is very self-righteous.

What I picked up on most strongly from the Bible was that God’s grace takes care of us.  God knows all our thoughts anyway, so might as well be honest in prayer.  No point in robes, candles, and rituals when he knows all the most terrible thoughts and feelings you have.  (If you are a targeted INDIVIDUAL do not pray out loud because they will attack you on specifically what you prayed about.)  No matter how angry I am, or how tired I am, or how much I sometimes just wish I had never been born and feel bad for not appreciating the gift of life from God…no matter what, God loves me.  They just can’t take  it from me.  It’s a personal relationship between me and Jesus/God.

These attackers have done exactly what my mom did.  They will provoke me to anger and then act like I am not a Christian, or a good person.  They send signals to me all the time that basically since I am a Christian, that I have to forgive them.  Well, there are different interpretations of forgiveness.  I am not God and unable to give real forgiveness to anyone.  It seems important to them that I write or say somewhere that I forgive them, so I won’t.  Then comes out the verse that we can’t be forgiven if we don’t forgive others.  That does not mean “forgiveness” as in, you can murder my sister and I let you completely off the hook and you don’t have to face any consequences.  It does not mean that you can rape me with your stupid machines and I just go mildly along accepting it.  And even if it does mean that, I can’t do it.  God knows I can’t.  And these people actually know enough about me that they know I can’t either.  Where I have messed up their little plan is that I still think God loves me.  I think God sees all they have done to me and he feels what they have done.  Sometimes I simply pray, “Do you feel that, God?  Do you feel my heart?  Please feel how it feels to me, what these horrible people are doing to me.”  And I get great peace from that.  I believe God is a Dad to me.  My Dad fought these people his whole life because of his beliefs in personal responsibility and his love of me and my sister.  How much more God, THE Father!

It was mentioned in the video that The Godfather is a real title some people have.  They may be The Godfather, but they are NOT my Father God.  There’s a very big difference.  When I stand before God, I will testify that I tried to follow the real God, not a human calling himself/herself god.

Again, I don’t think I need to try to be the knight in shining armor.  On the other hand, I don’t have to be a complicit party to my own destruction and the destruction of good people on this earth.  I’ve always found that a little bit of spirit and fire go a long way.

I am a Christian, but as for these abusive people and systems, I do NOT:

turn the other cheek

forgive you

speak only positive things so that you only hear nice things while you are monitoring me to death

pray for good things for you because you just don’t get it.  You know good and well that what you are doing is wrong.

accept your interpretation of Christianity

accept you as my personal Christian guide

accept the guilt trips you try to force on me

In other words you aren’t going to use Christianity to hide behind.  God can sort everything out on the other side.  In the messy here and now I will kick your asses if I get the chance.  I will outsmart you, make fun of you, not “get over it” or “forgive you”.  I will be an honest witness to the best of my ability and I am aware it makes you look bad, so quit signaling it to me.  I will not work myself to death in your slavery-death system anymore and you can just tell everyone I am lazy.  I do not care at all about impressing you or anyone else.  I am not impressed with you.  I will not temper my words so that I take into consideration your feelings while you are killing me and all that is good on the earth.




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