“This is only a test. Had it been a real emergency, we wouldn’t have mentioned it.”

As a target you are a test subject.  Sorry.  Even if you aren’t a target in this day and age where everything we do is recorded in some data farm of computers, you are a test subject.  But if you are one of the special few in the whole targeted landscape who is designated to be a lifelong test subject, aka lab rat, then you will do tests and more tests and tests of the tests you already participated in.  Every once in a while they throw a “live test” at you, which is the equivalent of soldiers in basic training having live ammunition shot at them.  It’s a test, but no one said you would make it out alive.  I think of it more like “friendly fire” where a soldier gets killed by their own military on accident.  It may have been meant in a friendly way, but the weapons kill all the same.

Aside from the multitudes of tests that are done to us in the normal course of life, like in school, driver’s test, work competency, training, and the like, there have been quite a few special tests in my life that have become a reoccurring theme.  An example of a medical test reoccurance is that when I was 6 years old I was having problems with fainting.  I was given a brainwave test with the paddles placed on my head and the whole weird thing.  I remember the old electric graph machine with all the little arms flying up and down as I felt I was passing out on the medical table.  They don’t need the electric graph machine anymore.  I have ended up in the emergency room, passing out on the table with all kinds of machines attached to me.  And then sent for more tests “just to make sure”.  I was finally given an EEG with the paddles on my head again, just about a year ago due to “A-typical migraines” which are migraines that have the result of migraines without actually having a migraine.  It’s very much the symptoms all TIs are describing and a good percentage of the general public.  It probably really is from the electro-magnetic stuff they have on us. Then that test let to an MRI, just to make sure.  And that led to a sleep study to make sure the first two tests didn’t miss anything.  In the sleep study they had electrodes all over my upper body and head.  I seriously suspect I will have problems with A-typical migraines in the future and have to have these tests run again.

As a side note, while I had the sleep study done and then a test with a sleep apnea machine, it was emphasized to me that the machine could transmit wirelessly my sleep patterns.  “Wirelessly transmit” was a phrase that seems to have been said to me a million times since 2010.  I get the hint.  They are recording everything about me all the time.  It’s irritating, invasive, violating, humiliating, and insane, but I accept that I have no choice.  It is happening.

While they were at it with all the testing of me medically in 2010 I couldn’t make it to work for 2 1/2 months because I was so sick I couldn’t function, but after months of tests they found nothing wrong with me.  I had problems with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which is another mysterious illness that no one knows the cause of and can manifest in anything that has to do with your bowels not working correctly.  But to find this out they ran EKG, had me on a heart monitor in my home for a month while it wirelessly transmitted my heart vital signs from Alaska to the East Coast somewhere.  And for their grand finale before releasing me back to part time duty, they had me do a very “Medieval test” according to the heart doctor I was seeing.  She called it a Tilt Table Test.  They strapped me to a medical table and tilted it until I was standing straight up.  I was tied down.  I could not move.  I screamed for the nurses to help me, but they said that they were sorry, but they couldn’t.  I screamed as I was once again passing out on a medical table.  Within 8 minutes I fainted dead away.  I didn’t have a heart attack though, so I passed Medieval Torture 101.

As for other types of testing, my parents went back to college when I was 8 years old to get their teaching degrees.  I was often used by other students at the campus to test for some paper or other.  My sister and I did competency tests, spacial/mechanical tests, IQ tests, social science tests…I really just lost track.  As a child you don’t view time like an adult does anyway, and we just took it that having to do all these tests was just part of life.  For my 4th grade year and my sister’s 1st grade year we went to an experimental school where they had done away with usual classrooms and set up a huge common area circled by classes in cubicles.  I hated that school and so did my sister.  We were constantly being tested in every way.  We were tested academically, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and anything else they could come up with.  It was pure chaos with no real feedback.  There was no real connection to anything or anyone there for me.  My little sister cried all the time and was just ingnored.  I would have to go check on her and help her out.  And eventually I got in trouble for that because “the teacher’s were perfectly capable of caring for her”.  That’s what they told my parents and said I was being nosey.  I never had that problem at any other school.  Those teachers were not taking care of her and she was scared.

As recently as last year I have had to do whole batteries of tests to see if I had any significant deficiencies.  I did 2 or 3 days of neuro-psychological testing last year to make sure I wasn’t schizophrenic, since I have visual and audio hallucinations.  I felt like being a smartelic and saying the hallucinations were, “because of wireless transmissions”, but I was polite and nice and played along, while having to pay for this nonsense before my disability finally went through.  While I was doing the tests the guy couldn’t believe I had done so well on several of them.  In his words “it was like you have done them before”.  Well, they have been snuck into my  life in bits and pieces in job tasks, school assignments, and tests here and there.  I probably have done all of them before several times over.  One in particular that I made almost a perfect score on had to do with color coded systems, which was the filing system I had used up until 2015 when I could no longer work.  I even told the guy that they had used the same system for files and changed them exactly how the test changed them every so often.  He didn’t seem to believe me and kept saying it was like I had taken that test before.  I don’t know if he couldn’t hear what I was saying or if he was showing he knew I had been tested in all these seemingly day to day settings.  Who knows?  Maybe he was telling me he was the guy behind that specific test, because these are set up very deliberately.  They are real tests by real professionals behind the scenes.

Then there are all the bizarre social experiments where they just think you are a test subject but to you, you were just betrayed by your best friend and your world has fallen apart.  No one shows any sympathy or even acknowledges it because it’s a test to see how you cope.  They have been told not to interfere in one way or another and there’s nothing they can do to help you.  There are spiritual and moral tests.  There are crazy tests like seeing if you are what they consider psychic or some other paranormal category.  Can they make you believe in ghosts or other things?  Can they control you with smells?  I mean, anything they can think of they can get money to test you for if you are one of the lucky “special” lab rats, like me.

One day you wake up and you know everything in your life is just a lab test of some such.  I hit that place at 14 years old.  I didn’t want to live anymore for a while.  I was so sick of being a test subject with no life, that I just didn’t want to go on anymore.  Looking back at my life, and it’s still the same, it is like I am treated like a service dog.  They are working animals and people are not supposed to pet them or make them into pets.  They are supposed to be treated like they are working all the time.  That certainly has been how everyone has treated me for my entire life.  My sister didn’t care what they said, she was my friend first and then did the program junk.  My dad treated me like a real child and then did the program stuff that had to be done.  My husband has treated me like a wife as much as possible.  Other than that, it’s all just one huge test for me.

It has some bonuses though.  For one thing I don’t get as much of the street thug nonsense as other TIs seem to get.  I could walk off and leave my house completely unlocked and I doubt anything would happen to it.  I live in a town that has pretty high crime rates, but I can tell by how these people who are my “neighbors” walk, talk, keep their yards and houses and their appearance that they are all military.  I am guessing they are “retired” military.  Nothing happens to me or my home that these guys don’t know about.  They aren’t playing games.  They are working.  On the other hand if the powers that be say something stupid should happen to me, then it will, and nothing I can do or say can change it.

One example is that I know they can hear everything I say wherever I am at.  In the early spring the lining in front of my car started falling down.  I know from past experiences that when something weird like that happens that the plan is that when I take it to the mechanic for simple help it becomes a big ordeal.  So I just said out loud when I would get in the car, “You sent your little thugs around to screw  up the front of my car.  You send them around to fix it.  I am not playing your stupid game or test or whatever it is.  I am not wasting money or time on fixing it.  If I have a car wreck then I just do.  I am not going to bother with that.”  After about a month my nieces husband miraculously had the right size zip-ties and happened to come home while I was visiting and went out and zip tied that underlining back to where it should be.  It is still fine.  I am seriously getting too old for this nonsense.

They refer to me in ways that make me know I am some kind of really old “dinosaur” in their scientific research.  They probably killed off everyone else.  They killed off my sister.  They have people tell me fond stories of KoKo the gorilla that they first taught sign-language.  I guess they have some weird fondness for me while I hate them.  But, it has some advantages.  I think I get by with stuff other people don’t get by with.  On the other hand I get by with it because I have survived it so many times before.

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